I remember my first professional job, I was 14, and I went to Umpire School. When my first game came up I almost backed out I was going to have a lot of attention directed my way and it was a bit uncomfortable for a normally shy person. I had played little league out in left field a lot. Not many balls came out there; I pondered life a lot and would look at the Sun through a crack in my glove. But anyway I kept thinking about that $5.00 I was going to earn and pushed through my fears, it was a lot of responsibility two teams competing with each other and my split second judgments and various decisions influenced the outcome of the game in which so many people had a stake in.
Lucky for me my first game was a T-ball game at the Elementary School I went to so at least it was on my turf. Maya elementary in the Town of Mulberry, it was a bit like Mayberry on TV. It is not far from where the first man to walk on the moon lives, Lebanon Ohio, home of Cash's Big Bargain Barn. He came there once; much to my surprise, and gave my 3rd grade class a speech on our mission in life the year of the Apollo 13 mishap. You might have noticed he doesn't make many appearances, I always wondered if my father had something to do with it. I learned right before he died that he had worked with the astronauts I thought gee Dad how could you not tell me that all these years. But I never got to ask him, I assume it was Top Secret. I asked my mom about what Dad did for seven years, she paused and said “you know I have no idea he never talked about it” I guess she realized how odd that sounded.
But anyway some, a rare few, parents could say some really wicked things, that ego you know, I would just ignore them, at night when I went to sleep I could hear the chatter of the game in my mind. I would see how long I could hold my breath and time it, (this actually increases blood flow to the brain which expands it's delivery system). I didn't let it affect me or my judgment and I had the power and authority to throw them off the field if I wanted, I never used it just having it was enough. It was a young age to have power and authority over adults don’t you think? I remember one time in second grade, we actually had a judicial system, a judge and everything, some kid that I guess didn’t like me or maybe he just got confused, claimed I had been running down the Hall when I hadn’t been and I got in trouble. Two swats, but they didn’t hurt it was more psychological but I was very angry at being falsely convicted and punished but I didn’t cry at least I don’t think I did. One time this guy named David stood up during story telling time and he said over the weekend he was with his Dad in an Airplane and they were lighting sticks of dynamite and tossing them out. Everyone laughed, kind of like when I explained the current definition of time once in 1979 in front of a bunch of people. I thought he was making up this fantastic tail. But based on what I know now I suspect he was probably telling the truth it's not that far fetched as you might think, I found that out when I went to Florida. Oh if I wanted to go home I could actually cause my body temperature to increase to that magic number releasing me from bondage, at will, I never really thought it was unusual to do. I mostly had years of perfect attendance though.
The toughest game....
The toughest game I ever umpired was with my friend Kenny he was two grades ahead and we would play football a lot the best kind, no body protection or helmets, the worst that ever happened was a bloody nose, there were about 15 of us kids at the North end of High View a dead end street, I actually lived in the middle. To the south was the other faction, all the hot girls were at south end of the street near the woods, I spent most of my time playing in the woods we would damn up creeks and stuff and capture creatures and let them go. I was the best Turtle finder on the block there is a story about that for another time. There were so many leaves in piles that they didn't cart away and kept piling up, we would build these leaf caves and they would stay warm in the winter. Sometimes we would go up to the High School and play on a real field. Kenny went on to become the High School Quarterback probably because he had so much practice. But anyway he was the other umpire I was behind the plate. I had gotten a frantic call "can you umpire this game both the scheduled umpires have canceled". Yes I said sure. One of the teams was his Dad's team and on it his two brothers who I would also play football, basketball and hockey with, (two of the Guys on my street had come down from Michigan and their Dad had been a Hockey coach we would play on the two ponds on our street) we never really played baseball that much. But anyway that is probably why they put me behind the plate and not Kenny. I expect they knew that I was friends with them and of course they knew Kenny was his son and his brothers were on the team. So at some point in the game there was an issue about one of my calls and tempers flared, not mine, it always bothered me how upset and irrational people could become over a game. Kenny stuck up for me with this other coach had a reputation for being a jerk. He saved me from having to throw him off the field. So anyway we know what they might have thought, "conflict of interest". But not really I had a fiduciary responsibility to spirit of the game. The truth is my being behind the plate and one of the teams being people I was friends with did affect my judgment ever so slightly but not in my friends favor, if anything it would have worked in the favor of the other team. I did my best to call them as they were. But that didn't really matter much because the team coached by a compassionate but tough coach always plays so much better then one whose only desire is to win.
